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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"Wow, you have a motorcycle?" inquires a curious coworker as I clomp my way towards my office in full riding gear.

"Yes I do."

"What kind is it?"

"It's a Ducati."

My well-intentioned co-worker (let's call him Ted) clearly does not know how to continue the discussion as his knowledge of motorcycles is apparently limited to the latest rerun of American Choppers he saw on the Discovery Channel.

"Don't you get cold driving that thing in January?"

I grit my teeth. I will not allow myself to be an annoying grammar nazi.

"Not really, this riding gear does a good job of keeping the wind out and it keeps me dry when it rains."

Ted nods in sage ignorance.

"You know I always wanted a motorcycle but my wife would kill me."

I'm not quite sure what to say about this. Should I suggest marital counseling? Assertiveness training? Provide a list of recommended spousal reading that will change her mind?

As the conversational gap grows into an awkward silence, Ted sallies forth:

"Those things are too dangerous anyway... I've heard too many stories of people getting killed on motorcycles."

I begin my rote response: "Yeah, people have a tendancy to do that..."

"Do what?" Ted interrupts

"Die." I hate it when well-meaning but ignorant people feel the need to sermonize about the dangers of motorcycles.

The awkwardness of the encounter has now metastasized. I wish Ted wasn't blocking the door to my office. Ted looks around and swallows.

"Well" Ted mumbles "Have a safe drive home tonight."

"Thanks - I always try." Smiling grimly, I open the door to my office and begin the process of stripping off my riding gear to reveal my slightly wrinkled but otherwise none the worse for the wear work clothes: a monochromatic polo tucked into Stain-Defender Dockers four sizes bigger than I wore in college.

This has been the fourth encounter in as many days with non-riders at work who insist on referring to the activity of operating a motorcycle as "driving." I'm certain that I'm only a half-step away from Dustin Hoffman-like mumbling and a full-blown OC episode of counting and recounting the coins in the my desk drawer because of the irritation I find at such a simple choice of language.

People "drive" wagon teams. And cars. And cement trucks. People ride horses, bicycles, and motorcycles. I consider having a t-shirt made to convey the differences between ride and drive, or maybe a bumper sticker... it would certainly be less inflammatory than the Dean People Suck sticker I was only half-seriously considering. I can't think of a clever slogan. I get to work. The hours pass and soon it's time to go home.

Encasing myself in my underpriced and correspondingly poorly fitting Joe Rocket gear, I make my way out to the parking lot where my trusty steed awaits. I can't wait to fire her up.

Ted trot-walks from behind to catch up with me as I leave the building.

"Another day another dollar, eh?" (Did I mention Ted's a Canadian?)

"Hi Ted" I'm always struck by the absurdity of saying hello just to say goodbye. Because I'm thinking about this I miss everything Ted says in response except for his final words as we part ways:

"Have a good drive!"
 

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Ya know...Ted sounds like a dork.
But based on his interest, he might be a rider waiting to come out.
Either that or he's sweet on you. [smiley=laugh.gif]
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
well was it a good drive?
It's a 1949 Buick Roadmaster. Straight 8. Fireball 8. Only 8,985 production models. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.

;)
 

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It's a 1949 Buick Roadmaster. Straight 8. Fireball 8. Only 8,985 production models. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.

;)
Kmart sux ;)
 

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It's a 1949 Buick Roadmaster. Straight 8. Fireball 8. Only 8,985 production models. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.

;)
Ok dustin hoffman and tom cruise but can't remember the name. By the way how was the DRIVE!
 

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I'm not nearly fabulous enough for that.
Queer Eye For The Straight Guy :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
For what it's worth, my post was my first experimental foray into what I'd like to term the message board short story.

In other words, it's pure fiction.

I wrote it but I'm not the narrator. Please feel free to critique/respond.
 

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Sorry... Ryan I was not questioning your Masculine Factor :-*
 

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Admit it... You wear a Pink Rabbit's Fur Kangol Beret ;D
 

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For what it's worth, my post was my first experimental foray into what I'd like to term the message board short story.

In other words, it's pure fiction.

I wrote it but I'm not the narrator. Please feel free to critique/respond.
i'm not a literary critic, but your story did suck people in (i believed it) and it held my interest. [smiley=waytogo.gif] [smiley=waytogo.gif] [smiley=waytogo.gif]
 
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I say you suck, not your story. I read the whole thing only to find you're full of sh!t. You got me good. ;)
 
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