Just to turn the tables, I've constructed the multiple choice answer for each accusation. Like the real thing, there's a shred of the truth hidden in a steaming pile of bull$#it:
1A) "...barely drags his butt in from partying by 6 a.m." What? I don't drink or smoke, never have, and the strongest thing I've tasted is root beer. I'm shocked you would say such a thing.
1B) Nah, I'm always home before 6 a.m. When you get 86'ed for [email protected]
$$ing the hostess before midnight, there's more than enough time to walk home before sunrise. Every single time. Believe you me.
1C) Wow, I wish I could party that hard. Last time I got home at 6 a.m., well, let's just say that Linda was holding me "hostage".
1D) What do you expect, after hangin' with hooligans in San Diego? They make W.C. Fields look like some teetotalling mommas-boy librarian. I've seen 'em leave Charlie Sheen in the gutter while he's puking on his Armani jacket. Hell, they embarrassed John Belushi and Carrie Fisher so bad that they both left town.
2A) Dine'n'Dash? WTF? I bought lunch for all of you jokers because you "Didn't have any cash on you." The nerve.
2B) Damn straight, I dined (that's a stretch :-X), and I dashed. I wouldn't be seen in that h&llhole again at gunpoint. You mean you guys_paid_for that swill?
2C) Wow, at least I came back to pay. Ahhh, by the way,.... am I gonna get any change from that $50?
2D) Golly, I was just so "posed out" that I forgot. Anyway, all of the guys with the Gixxers told me that the last one sitting at the table pays.
The_actual_truth will be revealed in a later post.
Y'all are great fun.