[Last Canadian Exit]

Okay, so I need some help.

I really want to buy a bike and my wife is dead set against it. Before anyone gets on my case about who wears the pants, the answer is she does, come on, who are we kidding? She is my wife and mother to my triplets, I am just cheap labor.

Anyway, her biggest concern is safety and buying a big insurance policy isn't enough as she still wants me around for the long term for some reason ;D.

I am hoping someone has been in my position before and can help me out. I'll try anything, almost. I started trying bribes, but not sure that is working...

 

[Canadian Monster]

I went through a similar issue last year.
First your wife is always right. So is mine.
If this is your first street bike or if you have not been riding when you have been with her, take a motorcycle training course. This will help with the cost of insurance as well it shows your wife that you are willing to do what is "needed" (her opinion) to be a better rider. As for insurance shop around and if you don't have your mind set on a curtain bike shop the cost of the different bikes too. (ie m696 or m1100) suprisingly I shopped around and found insurance for my 1100 cheaper than most places for a 696. Also shop around for gear and show her what you want for safety. It helped me because I tried on some jackets and she thought I "looked HOT".

But if it is money you will not win unless you are on the same page as she is for the money. Could be a matter that the money is there and she precives it as "OUR" extra money and you want to spend it on a toy that is just for you. I sold my wife on the romantic idea of us traveling and spending time together. It also helped that I really explained how much I wanted a bike and the fact that I have been waiting for 13+ years to get one.

M1100 (first street bike)

 

[Last Canadian Exit]

It is not the money. It would be cheaper to own a $9,000 bike than a car or een go golfing a few times a month!

Her concern is safety. She thinks I will die. Then again, she thinks I am going to die every time I get on a plane, which is weekly. I would do the safety course, get the right gear, I even would let her have more stuff like spa days, haha!

I think my best way is to keep being super nice and make her feel bad I am not getting what I want.

I always had a toy car before the kids, so that angle may help me out. I hope soon. The weather is getting soo nice and with my travel schedule it would take me forever just to get the safety course done!

 

[Canadian Monster]

I'm sure you will get the bike.

Ask her for her love and support to get the bike as it is important to you.

or......

You can always take advice from my boss…

"Sometimes it is easier to ask for forgiveness, then to ask for permission"


good luck!
I love my bike.

 

[Asian Heat]

I like the idea of planning for the future and going on trips together when the triplets are on their own. As a female rider, it's pretty empowering, so have you thought of maybe "including her" in your new anticipated hobby? The riding school I went to dealt with the very problem that you are faced with right now. On our first night, the facilitators talked about how some spouses/significant others opposed to their partners new found passion for riding. It was suggested that they invite their non-riding/supportive partners to the school to talk to the facilitators, observe the riding course or even better yet (and best case scenerio in my opinion...) have your wife take the course with you! With that said, I would ensure that you are enrolled in a riding school that totally supports safe riding & honing on skills, pretty strong and charismatic facilitators and really know their stuff (not those who only have three or four years riding experience and are teaching already). Maybe inclusion will help you get on the bike faster and who knows, maybe this will surface what really is bothering your wife about your newly anticipated addiction.

Also, maybe having some biking stuff lying around would help too. Some "props" you may want to look into is maybe DVD's and books that are about how therapeutic riding is for stress and the soul (DVD: One Week, Book: Ghost Rider by Neil Peart of "Rush"). I'm only guessing that you want to take up riding for you as a getaway and not because you want to start stunting and riding at neck breaking speeds (something you DEFINATELY don't want her to know).

Anyways, hope this was a little helpful. Good luck. If you want to ride, you will find a way. Just arm yourself before you go into battle.

 

[Düb Lüv]

Okay, so I need some help.

I really want to buy a bike and my wife is dead set against it. Before anyone gets on my case about who wears the pants, the answer is she does, come on, who are we kidding? She is my wife and mother to my triplets, I am just cheap labor.

Anyway, her biggest concern is safety and buying a big insurance policy isn't enough as she still wants me around for the long term for some reason ;D.

I am hoping someone has been in my position before and can help me out. I'll try anything, almost. I started trying bribes, but not sure that is working...

i was so in your situation about getting a bike. on doing a bribe i had to step it up to show her how serious i was about buying one.my girl wears the pants and shirt, so i had to go big with $700.

now i have a monster, but to make her happy i still listen to her about riding it. since i only have my learners, i haven't been on the open highway yet, to keep her happy.

 

[luv2fly]

FWIW I begged and pleaded for 2-3 years. ALL I wanted was a new red 1100 Monster. Went to the dealers just to sit on them. And drool.

We went through the safety thing, funds, responsibility, other drivers, we covered every angle on why I should/should not have a bike. Finally, one day, I looked her in the eye and said "I want a bike, ANY bike. I just want to ride again. Give me a budget. Any budget. If you still say no I will never ask agian." And I meant it.

Within weeks my wife calls me while I am in Cleveland 4 hours away and has fond a bike like I had been looking for and told me to go look at it. SHE acutally found a bike for me! A deposit was made and 2 days later I went back to get it. Now I have 2 bikes in the garage (one I bought to save/fix up/flip) and she is asking me to keep the second bike!

Last fall I rode 2,251 miles around 3 great lakes, into Canada, solo. Unthinkable 5-7 years ago.

Don't give up. It was a long uphill battle for me. Now, if we have the funds not needed for anything else, she'd let me get any bike I want. And that list is unfortunately very long while the funds available don't seem to be growing.

Any updates since your last post?

 

[04Monstie]

FWIW I begged and pleaded for 2-3 years. ALL I wanted was a new red 1100 Monster. Went to the dealers just to sit on them. And drool.

We went through the safety thing, funds, responsibility, other drivers, we covered every angle on why I should/should not have a bike. Finally, one day, I looked her in the eye and said "I want a bike, ANY bike. I just want to ride again. Give me a budget. Any budget. If you still say no I will never ask agian." And I meant it.

Within weeks my wife calls me while I am in Cleveland 4 hours away and has fond a bike like I had been looking for and told me to go look at it. SHE acutally found a bike for me! A deposit was made and 2 days later I went back to get it. Now I have 2 bikes in the garage (one I bought to save/fix up/flip) and she is asking me to keep the second bike!

Last fall I rode 2,251 miles around 3 great lakes, into Canada, solo. Unthinkable 5-7 years ago.

Don't give up. It was a long uphill battle for me. Now, if we have the funds not needed for anything else, she'd let me get any bike I want. And that list is unfortunately very long while the funds available don't seem to be growing.

Any updates since your last post?

My wife got a horse then I was Golden
She loves the Monster's look anyway, the Basic Rider Safety Course I took was a HUGE selling point plus it made insurance cheaper. I thought the course was for straight up newbies but I found myself learning things even though I rode dirt bikes on & off since I was 5.
Good luck

 

[swinger822000]

let me put it this way its easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission lol.

 

[Law Dork]

let me put it this way its easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission lol.

I took this tack with my first bike. My wife knew I had been looking for one as I'd grown up with them, but wasn't thrilled about the proposition. I left one day to go look at an $800 CB750K (three years older than I was) without telling her. When I returned one of my classmates was driving the car and I was riding that ugly magnificent machine home. She was quiet for about two days. My wife's not the type to give me "hell" over things; she understands that, at least me particularly if not men generally, need to do things they want occasionally. She was, however, terrified of that thing. I had a hard time understanding that, the bike barely did 100 mph, and that's if the speedo wasn't off by 10. Still, she was convinced that everytime I put my jacket and helmet and backpack on to head to class, it was the last time she'd see her husband with a head intact.

Over time I've worked on her. She still doesn't understand my obsession with motorcycles, but sometimes I don't either. The biggest thing I did to help with this was to promise her that I would always be incredibly safe and would always wear my protective equipment. Then, for the most part, I kept those promises. I ran to the gas station about one hundred yards from my house without a helmet one day and she saw me through the window. Pissed.

Let her know you're committed to it, that this is your thing, and that you can be very safe doing it. Also, show her the difference between your 1100 and the 1198 S. A lot of my friends (cruiser guys) and my wife think that anything without leather fringe and tacky silver conchos is a "crotch rocket." When you explain that you sit upright and that the dudes that go screaming past you in traffic on their Gixxers are riding very different bikes, she may relent. She's now at the point where she'd actually consider going for a ride with me. This is a significant improvement over her clutching me in terror as we went around our parking lot at 10 mph.

 

[swinger822000]

Law Dork.... AAAAAAMEEEENNNN!!!!!!!! Well with my wife, she knew i was a Duc fan and would always have one(i didnt have it when i married her) But she was afraid of me getting hurt, or the worst case dying. But one day she pulled up with my S4R in the drive way all shiney and perdy and she came in yelling and screaming for about 10 minutes. After i calmed her down and showed all the gear i got for the bike and already had the insurance a promise that i wouldnt do anything in my own power to be wreckless (and a 400K life insurance policy on me she shut right up(but in a nice way).

 

[philb]

I'm not a fan of the "forgiveness rather than permission" school of thought. On rare occasions it may work, but it's a good way to screw up communication and trust in your relationship. That doesn't mean you can't ever do anything without her "permission"; sometimes you do have to decide what is important and do it even if she doesn't like it, but you should be honest about that, and stand up for that decision like a man, not sneak around and hope it works out.

My bike situation is a bit different in that my bike was a "pre-existing condition" -- I've had it 17 years, and it's not going away. My wife hasn't always been crazy about it, but I can say "you knew the job was dangerous when you took it", and she knows what I mean.

What is working out well for me is getting her on her own bike. She's ridden on the back of mine a fair amount, but she's not wild about that, in part because the Monster is not well suited to carrying passengers. But I got her a 250 Honda a couple years ago and she took the MSF course and got her license, and has really been enjoying riding, a lot more than she thought she would. So I'm making payments to buy her her own matching Monster, and she's thrilled.

And knowing and experiencing more, she worries about it less. On my recent cross-country trip, she did make me promise to call every night and tell her I was safe, but that's not unreasonable.

PhilB

 

[EODDuck]

You all got off much cheaper than I did. I even had a bike when we met and got married, but had been without one for many years. Always craved a ducati.
Finally got my S4R after getting her a new wedding ring for the 15 year anniversary. Cost about the same but I think I got the better deal.

 

[KLRDUC]

I had the same deal going on with my wife.... I told her I understood her concerns, I'd be careful, took an MSF class and bought my Monster S4R. She worries...

 

[Dagoof]

LOL This thread is too funny. Why do all women worry so much?

I even had to fight with my girlfriend over the Monster. Her grandfather was a mortician, so her whole family culture is against this sort of thing. She knew I was looking to get one, and she tried to make me promise that I wouldn't buy one. I refused, and one day I got mine. (We're not married, so I can still do that) She was unhappy for a while, but I think she's warming up to it.

Getting her to take a ride with me has been another fight. She claims that I don't know how to go slow, and she's probably right. I had to explain to her how much I cared for her, and how bad I would feel if I ended up hurting her on my bike. Eventually, she decided that, of anyone that she should be trusting, it should be me because I cared about her more. We're still a work in progress.

I guess women just can't understand our way of thinking. Sure, we could get hurt on a motorcycle, but we could also sit around on the couch, get heart disease, and die. I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather go out "living" life rather than trying to avoid all danger. I don't have a death wish, and I don't push my luck by going beyond my capabilities. If an accident happens, then I guess it was meant to be.

Sometimes the same confidence, bravery, and attitude that makes women fall in love with us is the first thing that they try to cure us of, once they've got a hold of us. It's hard for them to understand that those attributes are part of what makes us the person that they fell for.

 

[live.laugh.love.ride.]

If the issue is not the money, then you should just tell her after you got the bike, not ask her if you can get it. What is she going to do, file for a divorce over it? I mean you're married, she is stuck with you if she likes it or not. Now is the Ducati worth the fight? Yes.

 

[daddyducati]

Okay, so I need some help.

I really want to buy a bike and my wife is dead set against it. Before anyone gets on my case about who wears the pants, the answer is she does, come on, who are we kidding? She is my wife and mother to my triplets, I am just cheap labor.

Anyway, her biggest concern is safety and buying a big insurance policy isn't enough as she still wants me around for the long term for some reason ;D.

I am hoping someone has been in my position before and can help me out. I'll try anything, almost. I started trying bribes, but not sure that is working...

Get the bike! Who is the man in your house? Come on, grow a pair. If she doesn't like it she can go find some other guy to boss around. She is not your mom, she is your wife. Do you need to approve everything she does? Don't just show up with it, talk to her about how important it is to you and your happiness. Talk about what she needs to be happy and work out a happy solution. Life is short and unpredictable. Do not let your self be pushed into a situation in which you end up resenting the other person in your life. In my house my wife doesn't tell me what to do and I don't tell her what to do and it works quite well.

By the way, the most deadly sport/hobby is fishing. Look it up. Really all hobbies are dangerous one way or another.

I race cars, ride motorbikes and fish. My wife thinks it is great I have so many interests and hobbies. I always make time for her and do my part around the house and with the kids and all is happy happy. I can not see why it needs to be any other way. I really stress doing your part around the house and paying attention to her and the kids (did you say triplets? Oh my). If you act like a man (doing your part) your wife will or at least should treat you like a man. If not there may be a problem.

 

[swinger822000]

Well on an update. I bought another bike(way more powerful and way more dangerous, but the caviot to that is i had to buy her a new car. so she was happy and i was exstatic. You just have to remember the life with your wife must be 50/50. You cant get a new toy with out her getting something in returne, like a house, car, her own bike, a pool boy named Rico lol.

 

[AdmiralKit]

Can you talk her into taking the MSF course with you? I think that might be one of the best ways to work over her fear of motorcycles to see how much emphasis is put on safety and let her experience it for herself. It's an irrational fear, and you're obviously not looking to buy a bike for stunt riding and showing off, so you either have to confront that fear or overcome it. Introduce her to a lot of people who have been riding for many years and have them tell her stories of the great fun they've had (and kick 'em in the shins if they start talking about their close calls).

I won't give you a lot of advice on handling women since they're all different and it's not like I've got a lot of experience to draw off of, but you either have to have her confront her fear or you have to ignore it. If you choose to ignore it, make sure that you go out of your way afterwards to show her that while you ignored her input, you still value it and that it's important to you even if you don't always do it. You can appreciate her concern while not yielding to it, and quite frankly there's risk in everything you do. On any given day I could step outside and get hit by a truck or run over by some yahoo in an SUV yammering away on their cell phone (and as someone who drives a very small car, it happens on a semi-frequent basis), but the offset is that with good training and a focus on safety, you can reduce a lot of that risk.

I don't know if you're an experienced rider, but I would also suggest starting off with a more passive bike than a Ducati. Get a 250 or a 350 or something that doesn't have a whole lot of zing or financial investment attached to it... Ducatis are expensive when it comes to parts, labor, and maintenance, and if money is part of the argument you can counter it by showing that you're open to compromise. Plus, if you're willing to compromise, you can point out that you're compromising because you recognize it's important to her, but that she needs to recognize that getting a motorcycle is important to you. Then, once she's more acclimated to the idea of you riding, you can trade up to a Ducati and try to get her to ride on the smaller bike.

 

[04Monstie]

I guess I'm lucky, my wife saw the Monster & thought they were cool. She knows I've had dirt bikes before but that was a long time ago. I've always wanted a street bike then I saw the Monster & just had to have one so I got one & my endorsement a few weeks later.
She felt much better about it when I took the BRT (basic Rider Training) course here in Oregon. I have the fuel injected 620 and I've been on it for about a year now but feel like I'm ready for something bigger. I've read countless articles that rave about the 620 being a great beginner street bike, be careful though it's not really a slouch even the little guy screams & has 60 hp.